Old New Friends

In a past breakup with the old crazy girlfriend I had friends, some who I thought were my friends who were not, and some who were. All of the mutual friends, except for a small select few, were swayed to her side by that childish sob story ( poor pitiful me ). All of them stopped talking to me and because Stank like a fat mans armpits. Two other friends just returned from Seatle with their new baby, and honestly I was not expecting them to be on my side either. But I was pleasantly suprised to recieve a call from them letting me know that they were back in town. They came over today and they offered some really encouraging words, and let me know that they were my friends as well as hers and that they were going to remain my friends no matter what she thought. It was really good to hear that, and I know that Courtni was relieved to hear that too. It was good to see them back, and I'm really excited to see where our friendship will go. I am really looking forward to some good friends...

Dealing with the yesterdays past, in todays future.

This sucks alot! I told courtni yesterday about somethings that I had never told anyone. I have been to a few shrinks, and have talked to countless people who I trusted. BUT with all that said I have never told anyone about this. Its darker then my deepest secret, and more hurts more then anything anyone could understand. I am a man, I AM a MAN! There is nothing that anyone could do to take that from me. I have not delt with this in...well actually never. I have never delt with this, and it really hurts now that I have too. I need to. I have no choice but too. There is nothing that ANYONE can do to make me less of a man, or take my manhood! I hate you!

What is like to be cared for by your souldmate.

It just seems like ever since my soulmate and I have been together, my body has been showing signs of age. I have had numerous headaches and I have had my gallbladder removed, and just recently I had knee surgery. Throughout all these trials and tribulations, by my side my soulmate has stayed. My soulmate has been by my side to constantly, yet gently and firmly remind me of my limitations. I am really hard headed and my soulmate has made sure that I stay within my limitations and that I keep on my right track of recovery. All though my soulmate has a special way of using oh so kind words with me, she become more sexy by the minute. It makes me so anxious for the 90 days to be up so we can be one, in more then one way. I want to show her how thankful and appreciative I am for all that she is and how much I love her for how she has treated me. Her soft touch, and warm look...its enough to make any criminal break down and cry for his mother. My soulmate is mine, and I am hers. We are soulmates.

Throwbacks

Man I was at my parents house today for while, and I got to thinking. I was wanting to look for some old pics from highschool that I had not seen or that courtni had not seen either. I love for her to see my old pics because I like her to see how I used to be really athletic before I got hurt. I was SOO happy to find our senior video and some pics too. I felt like a little kid again showing her all those pics and videos. Even though she was not too excited to see them, or at least she didn't act like it, she still sat through it. I posted the pics I had on facebook and tagged my friends. We will see how many memories I will bring up by posting those....

Sabbath Alone time

Wow...my first blog...I am sitting here in my house with my dog sitting right by me. My fiance' and the kids have gone to church. I am here crippled due to my knee surgery yesterday. It sucks because I have always felt the need to be doing something, and I can't really sit still. I opened my Bible to see what God had for me this morning and it was really good to see what I saw. I opened up to Collossians 3:18 and I read to the end of the chapter. This has special meaning to me today because I had planned on doing a little bit of my Pre-marrital counseling homework today aswell. It said..."Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord". We men read that text at times and it seems like our elbows do to. Our elbows automatically find our wives, girlfriends, or fiance's arm as to say "lose the attitude and submit to me! I'm a man". What have we done to prove that we are a man. The text says, "...as is fitting in the Lord." So I can't expect her to submit to me if I am not in the Lord, or being led by the Lord. We are supposed to be taking care of Her like Christ takes care of the Church, right? So the more I am in the Lord, and Being led by the lord, the more Christ's spirit in the Lord will show through. She see's that and will have respect for it. So the jist of it is, don't expect her to respect, and follow you, if you are not in the Lord. Verse 19 said, " Husbands, love your wives and to not be harsh with them." Now what do we think of as harsh? Being loud, verbally abusive, physically abusive, demeaning, etc... yes all of these are true. When you have a woman that God gave to you, you must treat her with respect. She is your jewel. I am a coffee drinker and when I wake up in the morning I like to have a nice Hot cup of coffee. It makes me feel warm and comforted first thing in the morning. I know this might seem like a bad analogy, but I must treat my woman like my cup of coffee. I get up and walk to the coffee machine. I carefully make sure that I have the right mixture of coffee to water to make sure its not to strong or too weak. As it brews It begins to smell wonderful and the aromas start to fill the house. Once it is done I pour the coffee into my cup and I add creamer of my choice and the right amout of sugar. Now it is just right. I walk with it carefully as to not spill my perfected coffee. I savor every last drop, and now I am ready to start my day. The effects of the coffee will be with me uptil after lunch. So....when I wake up I want the first thing I do to be to make sure I speak to her. Wake her softly, slowly, and speak kind words to her. Treat her like your cup of coffee that you don't want to spill. Don't speak down to her, or discourge her. Because when you nurture her and "....Do not be harsh with them(her)" as the Bible says, Then the effects of her will stay with you for a long while. I was talking with my soon to be wife this morning and she said that woman are suductive, and thats what they are good at. Men are better suited for playing a womans emotions. Well said. God created men to be visual. We see something that catches our eye and we go for it. Women are beautiful creatures with wonderful accents that God placed on them. Beautiful faces, smiles, long soft hair, small waist's, breasts, behinds and smooth legs. Like I said men are visual. We see these things. Now if you have ALL of those things why in the world would I want to be harsh with her? God gave me this masterpiece of beauty and If I don't nurture her emotionally, and love her and care for her, I am not going to be doing my duty and I will have to answer to God one day for now taking care of one of his most treasured and fragile, yet strong creations. It goes in a circle. I take care of my wife emotionally, physically, and sprititually, therefore she is more apt to take care of me as well. She is more likely to share the Gifts God gave her with you.

I pray that God will give me a dose of his love so that I can treasure the gift that he has given me.

Colossians 3:18-19: "Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, Love your wives and do not be harsh with them."