whatever...

it has really been a while since I have written anything. I have not had the time, or the energy. things are really good right now, even though I'm exhausted. people seem to think that I run 24/7, but I don't. I can't. Its not humanly possible. I can't get 5 hours or less sleep a night, work, and go to school, and still function 100%. I just can't. today, I'm really done. I am waiting for 1800 like a fat kid waits for the buffet. then, I can't wait for sunday night. I will finally get a break for two whole weeks. I'm depressed. yes I'm getting married, yes I have a career, and yes I have a beautiful daughter, but I'm still depressed. I don't think I will make it though paramedic school. I'm not ready to finish, yet every bone in my body screams for rest. I don't even know what it feel like to be rested. what is rest? right now, rest means not running a call for two hours. but to wake up and not be tired? that does not exist in my world. my world is made up of giving. giving to my patients, career, and then going home and having to be a support for my family, and giving some more. in the mix up of all this crap, there is nothing left to give myself. Maybe all this will change once I finish school. just today....I feel depressed.